I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?