I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
oh god was she eating orange peels again
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon