Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society

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  (202): i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society http://tfl.nu/5vfp
  Replies (55) Good night (882) Bad night (3942)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now

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  (651): you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now http://tfl.nu/tgtb
  Replies (27) Good night (8876) Bad night (785)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.

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  (509): im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating. http://tfl.nu/g1sz
  Replies (16) Good night (3852) Bad night (879)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.

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  (256): she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy. http://tfl.nu/z1ta
  Replies (81) Good night (2624) Bad night (8151)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.

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  (503): His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit. http://tfl.nu/ykdx
  Replies (45) Good night (5365) Bad night (1501)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar

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  (202): the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar http://tfl.nu/f2lj
  Replies (6) Good night (4997) Bad night (1397)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.

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  (904): Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer. http://tfl.nu/ug99
  Replies (11) Good night (1939) Bad night (1276)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.

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  (775): You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun. http://tfl.nu/rs7k
  Replies (6) Good night (2394) Bad night (715)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving

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  (509): Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving http://tfl.nu/hfo8
  Replies (3) Good night (1493) Bad night (973)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything

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  (608): I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything http://tfl.nu/ll8l
  Replies (6) Good night (511) Bad night (1877)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.

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  (636): We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer. http://tfl.nu/h1wg
  Replies (5) Good night (879) Bad night (386)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?

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  (920): My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls? http://tfl.nu/f946
  Replies (9) Good night (1368) Bad night (710)
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  (818): View more from California

  Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.

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  (818): Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree. http://tfl.nu/znv5
  Replies (2) Good night (375) Bad night (710)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Oh god, what has my life become?

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  (301): I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him. (301): Oh god, what has my life become? http://tfl.nu/d6o7
  Replies (6) Good night (732) Bad night (304)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening

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  (301): I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening http://tfl.nu/y28c
  Replies (1) Good night (189) Bad night (314)

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