im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.