Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.

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  (845): puked in the new hous. now it's officially home. http://tfl.nu/sb2t
  Replies (3) Good night (3280) Bad night (671)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"

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  (281): So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head" http://tfl.nu/fk9k
  Replies (34) Good night (6065) Bad night (1497)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic

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  (786): Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic http://tfl.nu/fwzo
  Replies (58) Good night (1022) Bad night (5533)
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  (805): View more from California

  woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."

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  (805): woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream." http://tfl.nu/w9nn
  Replies (11) Good night (4507) Bad night (990)
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  (661): View more from California

  so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.

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  (661): so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa. http://tfl.nu/lwmw
  Replies (22) Good night (6082) Bad night (718)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

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  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7469) Bad night (821)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.

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  (336): Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other. http://tfl.nu/ei4k
  Replies (5) Good night (970) Bad night (2941)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.

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  (240): One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order. http://tfl.nu/2w08
  Replies (6) Good night (2166) Bad night (1000)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.

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  (403): I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life. http://tfl.nu/3fnb
  Replies (2) Good night (1718) Bad night (761)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.

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  (813): obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary. http://tfl.nu/eqex
  Replies (0) Good night (618) Bad night (1335)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Post-sex nachos deserve a song.

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  (817): Post-sex nachos deserve a song. http://tfl.nu/enl8
  Replies (8) Good night (1254) Bad night (399)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.

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  (920): He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level. http://tfl.nu/rkz6
  Replies (1) Good night (460) Bad night (224)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece

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  (907): That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece http://tfl.nu/9o1k
  Replies (1) Good night (437) Bad night (295)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces

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  (407): If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces http://tfl.nu/di36
  Replies (3) Good night (256) Bad night (406)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.

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  (304): I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying. http://tfl.nu/hrb6
  Replies (6) Good night (863) Bad night (220)

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