I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
