Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
