hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
NoShamevember. You game?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
