dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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