tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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