Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
