My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
