my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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