im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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