i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
