he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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