Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
