After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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