And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
