If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
