This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
did you just send me my own nude
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
