I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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