Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
