I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
