The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
PANTIES FOUND
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