What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
