maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
