he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
