He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
