Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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