FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
