I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
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we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
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the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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