we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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