I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I have demons in me.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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