Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
