you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
