I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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