I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
tell me about the eggs
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
