we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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