Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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