Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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