the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
