I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
