Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
