my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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