we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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