we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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