Someone shit on the floor
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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