You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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