You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
