my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.