I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
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i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
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Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell