I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.