my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
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Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
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Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing