chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
