They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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