tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
