It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
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Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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