Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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