Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
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they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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