The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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