New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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