You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
