The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
