Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
