And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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