Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
