Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
