Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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