somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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