Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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